Green on the Inside

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. - Irish Blessing

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Learning Curve

Dating is complicated. Well, not really, but I've come to realize that I have a lot to learn. So very much.

I had an epiphany last night, as my local WingGirl (not to be confused with Bat Girl!) and I sat at the bar, talking about my most recent experience with Southern Boy, and about dating in general. I realized that SB is just the 4th in a string of men/boys that fit a pattern that started nearly 13 years ago. The good thing is that I have now recognized the pattern and can now learn to take steps to avoid its repetition. Of course, WingGirl says she noticed the pattern long ago (as did she catch the two red flags with SB that I, the ostrich with my head in the sand, couldn't or didn't want to see), but naturally it was something I had to figure out for myself.

I'm now trying to stop feeling stupid. I know I'm not unlike most women, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like an idiot. How could I not have picked up on the signals? How did I not read the signs? I should have known better. But next time I will.

I'm just thankful that I'm finally learning from my mistakes. And I'm optimistic that I won't make them again. Of course, since there's such a big dating learning curve, I'm bound to make different ones. Let's just hope they're smaller.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Not So Southern After All

So it seems that Southern Boy was not the Southern Gentleman I'd hoped he was. Despite the great time and promise to call (which was accompanied by other things which seemed to suggest it was not the typically male empty promise), I have yet to hear from SB. It's been 2 weeks since our date. I dropped a quick line to him a couple of days ago, just to see how the holiday weekend was for him, but not suggesting another date or anything of the sort - a sort of prodding, as my friend (the man who suggested the e-mail in the first place) put it. But there has been no response. My only conclusion...Southern Boy was on the prowl, looking for action. And when I failed to provide, he failed to follow through. Jerk.

And people wonder why I don't feel particularly motivated to date. It sucks. Just when you think you might have found a gem, it turns out to be a piece of dried up dung instead.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Yes, It's Been a While...

I know, it's been a while since I posted. I was actually trying to decide whether to keep this up, since I don't feel like I have that much to post about. I mean, really, who cares about my allergies and acupuncture? Well, the accupuncture does seem to be improving things, but I've only had 2 treatments, so the jury's still out on that.

As for keeping up this blog, I guess I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel.

But I do have some exciting news to report, and it involves a very cute boy. I recently ran into him after not seeing him for ages. I decided to take the bull by the horns and got myself a date. It went very, very well. Well enough to end a kissing drought which was unspeakably long. Generally, I keep my dating activities to myself when it comes to my family - I figure I'll tell them something when there's something worth telling them. But this time I couldn't keep it to myself. I was so incredibly excited to go out with Southern Boy, and the date went so well that I was too excited not to at least reveal that it was great. Aside from the chemistry, we had a great time together. A lot in common, but also some different interests that could make things fun.

It's only been a few days, but I'm feeling pretty confident that there will be a second date. It's been a long, long time since I've liked anyone even close to as much as I like SB, so here's hoping for a second date, and maybe even a third and fourth! And I'll just focus on that and continue to fight off the thoughts of the future that insist on creeping into my thoughts.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


I have allergies. Generally speaking, they're not so bad - mild seasonal allergies that, until this year, were hardly noticeable, as well as allergies to animals. Yes, this includes cats, and as you know from my prior posts, I have two cats. Call me crazy, but I'd heard that many people are able to develop an immunity to their own cats, even while remaining allergic to all others, and I was willing to take the chance, after seeing that it happened to my brother, after he married a woman with a cat. I figured if it didn't work, I'd know within a month or so, and I wouldn't be so attached to my babies as to make it unbearable to give them up if I had to. As luck (or fate, or whatever) would have it, it was a success. After two weeks of being horribly congested (and keeping the kittens out of my bedroom to give me an 8-hour respite from the dander-laden furballs), even while taking allergy medication, the allergic reaction seemed to disappear.

Or so I thought. A few weeks ago, I found myself the freeway at nearly midnight on a weeknight, driving roughly 15 miles to my parents' house just to use my mother's inhaler. That's right - an asthma attack. I've always had super-mild, barely noticeable, rarely manifested asthma, but I was never "officially" diagnosed, and I'd never had a need for an inhaler before. So the next day I got myself an appointment with my doctor. Naturally, the doctor told me I needed to kick my babies out of my bedroom, something I couldn't think of doing. Until I ended up using the inhaler 2 nights in a row - not a particularly severe event, and not one I probably couldn't have gotten through without the inhaler, but I just didn't want to risk the worsening of this condition. So last Friday night, I cleaned all the linens and removed the kittens from the bedroom. They haven't been back since (except the one who managed to sneak past me this morning before being promptly removed). I'm not entirely sure that removing them from the bedroom has made any difference, so I may decide to let them back in again at some point in the near future. This is just an experiment.

And one other experiment I may try - I've heard acupuncture can cure allergies, even asthma. I was hesitant at first, until my ordinarily skeptical physician uncle thought it was a worthwhile experiment. I'll let you know how it goes...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Never a Dull Moment

I have recently discovered that, when you have cats, kittens in particular, there is never a dull moment. I have two, though in reality, only one of them seems to be the trouble-maker of the pair. Callie, my precious Callie, seems to have a paper obsession - primarily toilet paper off the roll and wads of paper from the trash can under my desk. I've tried everything to keep Callie from unrolling the TP - including turning the roll around and taping the end of the roll down - but the only thing that seems to have kept Callie from this particular mischief is removing the roll from its place of convenience and relocating it out of her reach.

Most recently, Callie has developed a love affair with my slippers. I get up in the morning, and I usually have to hunt for one or both of them before I can allow my feet to make contact with the very cold tile floor in my bathroom. And when I get home in the evening, the hunt begins again. She seems to like hiding them behind the hall door, but one morning only one slipper was missing, and it took what felt like five minutes to find it. Five extra minutes I don't usually have because I'm a slow mover in the morning and am usually running late, without having to go hunting.

Callie and Lexi are now 10 months old. In theory, the mischief will stop soon because they won't be kittens much longer, which makes me both sad and relieved at the same time. Of course, one wise source advised me that kitten mischief often lasts until they're two years old. And then there's always the possibility that Callie will always be the trouble maker.

At least I know I will never want for home entertainment.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Tick Tock

I'm at work. I've been here for a little more than 5 hours. I can, in theory, leave in about 1 1/2 hours (I'm an "exempt" employee and can basically come and go as I please, work permitting). And I am completely and totally bored out of my mind. My boss is out today, but I can't leave because I'm the only employee here who does the type of work I do, so in essence, I'm the designated representative. And since my boss is out, I can't ask him for more work, although I'm sure he wouldn't have much to give me, 'cause Shoe-Shopping Co-Worker has asked him the same thing for a few days now and got nothing.

I've reviewed the documents I had to review - the only project I had on my desk that I'm not waiting for something else to be done before I can continue. I've read my favorite sites - PBPO, Tomato Nation, This Fish - and I've played my usual two different versions of online Sudoko (which is quite addicting, I might add). I've done about all the online shopping I can take/afford. And now I'm out.

This is really pathetic. Can't I just go home and play with my cats and veg in front of the TV? Yes. In an hour and half. Sigh.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Goin’ to the Chapel…

…to watch someone get married. Ok, it wasn’t a chapel but instead a lovely garden. Fearless Cousin is a mere 5 months older than I and left home before she was 20, driving across the country with her dog and grand plans to live in a big West Coast city. She had many adventures along the way and settled in a small town in the mountains instead. That was her destiny, and that is where she met her now-husband.

I’ve been to many, many weddings. Nearly all of my friends, and now, nearly all of my same-generation family, are married. In fact, I just learned that one of my cousin’s kids is getting married this summer. Mind you, this cousin is about 10 years older than I am, and her daughter is only 18. I’m starting to feel alone in this single-ness, with literally one close friend joining me in this status, and I really do enjoy being single, as long as I'm not directly confronted with what I feel like I'm missing. Even so, I never could have imagined the emotional impact of Fearless Cousin’s wedding.

It was a beautiful, small wedding and reception, and I was truly happy for her. She’s been through a lot in the last year, and I am so glad she has found her prince, who indeed seems to be worthy of her. As I sat in the ceremony, I felt the first twinges. Nothing I couldn’t shake off, though. At least not until the reception. When Fearless Cousin and Prince had their first dance, it was all I could do to prevent the tears. I’m not proud, but I’m willing to admit that it was pure envy.

I later realized that most of my strong emotional reaction to pieces of the wedding and reception was driven pretty significantly by my hormones. Indeed, I felt better about feeling so bad, but I do wish I had come to this realization sooner. Not that it would have made the experience less emotional.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was that there was no bouquet toss, but since I think there were only two single women, including myself, it would have been pointless as well as humiliating. Thank goodness for small blessings.