Goin’ to the Chapel…

…to watch someone get married. Ok, it wasn’t a chapel but instead a lovely garden. Fearless Cousin is a mere 5 months older than I and left home before she was 20, driving across the country with her dog and grand plans to live in a big West Coast city. She had many adventures along the way and settled in a small town in the mountains instead. That was her destiny, and that is where she met her now-husband.

I’ve been to many, many weddings. Nearly all of my friends, and now, nearly all of my same-generation family, are married. In fact, I just learned that one of my cousin’s kids is getting married this summer. Mind you, this cousin is about 10 years older than I am, and her daughter is only 18. I’m starting to feel alone in this single-ness, with literally one close friend joining me in this status, and I really do enjoy being single, as long as I'm not directly confronted with what I feel like I'm missing. Even so, I never could have imagined the emotional impact of Fearless Cousin’s wedding.

It was a beautiful, small wedding and reception, and I was truly happy for her. She’s been through a lot in the last year, and I am so glad she has found her prince, who indeed seems to be worthy of her. As I sat in the ceremony, I felt the first twinges. Nothing I couldn’t shake off, though. At least not until the reception. When Fearless Cousin and Prince had their first dance, it was all I could do to prevent the tears. I’m not proud, but I’m willing to admit that it was pure envy.

I later realized that most of my strong emotional reaction to pieces of the wedding and reception was driven pretty significantly by my hormones. Indeed, I felt better about feeling so bad, but I do wish I had come to this realization sooner. Not that it would have made the experience less emotional.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was that there was no bouquet toss, but since I think there were only two single women, including myself, it would have been pointless as well as humiliating. Thank goodness for small blessings.